The Story of Two Bitter Old Ladies Bent On Destroying the Holiday Repast

The Story of Two Bitter Old Ladies Bent On Destroying the Holiday Repast

By Sarah Whitlock and Carmen Benhameda

Characters:

Bitter Old Ladies

Younger Ladies

Buddy

Santa

Chorus of Elves

“Girl who does the snapping thing”

SWABIT squad

• 2018 Only remaining countries: Canadia, United States, Mexico
• Start the day after Christmas—no presents!!!
• Travel to New York—what are they trying to find?
• Find Buddy the Elf—takes you to Mexico for information on the whereabouts of Santa’s Workshop, keeps calling you guys “Charlie”, meets you with the phrase “Son of a Nutcracker!”
• Go to Mexico (as illegal aliens)—jump the fence
• Find the Tu Madre King—Challenge to a Yo Mama showdown
• Win showdown—get whereabouts of Santa’s Workshop
• Go to Candy Mountain in Canadia for Santa’s Workshop
• Find Sants’s elves—to see him they must win a Christmas Caroling Challenge
• Use Deck the Halls Remix—win Challenge
• See Santa—do brain ninja tactics with the argument about why they didn’t get any presents that year, turn into grudge match
• Bitter Old Ladies win—Chin’na moves
• Old Ladies still don’t win—Buddy is a secret agent in the SWABIT (Santa’s Workshop’s Active Bodyguards In Training) force, grannies are kicked out, [insert “girl who does the snapping thing”]
• Story ends with new plan—“Old ladies have teamed up with The Muffin Man to create an army of gingerbread cookies bent on destroying the holiday repast, but that is another story…”